|Friday, September 3rd, 2010|
i am in desperate need for change
|Saturday, January 9th, 2010|
i feel great and really happy right now.....i hope this continues......i even cleaned my room today....90 percent of the time things around me are messy and its because my life is messy.....when my life is good and i feel happy things are clean.....i always judge people by how messy they are....i always call people that are pretty neat and clean "normal" but really maybe they are happy and content with their lives.....even the craziest of people can probably be clean if they are happy.....blah blah im working a 16 hour shift right now and i dont even care because i really really love my job....i was nervous at first but you know what im lucky....im so lucky and thankful for this job...i have never put so much thought in effort into anything else and it was worth it.....i got to see jenn and brad last night. we had fun as always. we can just sit and do nothing and i dont feel like i need to entertain them or vise versa..... i honestly only have john jenn and honestly now im considering brad as close friends in st louis.....well i have brooke but i dont feel that close to her......but im happy to have 3 great friends rather than 100 shitty ones.....cliche to say but yeah whatev.....i just finished this really great book today.....ahh see and im reading again i havent read in yyeaarrssss....i bought the perks off of amazon and im about to read it for the 10th time....that book never gets old....
|Friday, April 24th, 2009|
kind of cheesy but....
I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it — I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.
Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know — but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me.
However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.
I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.”
|Monday, December 15th, 2008|
"the deepest level of communication because it is beyond words and beyond concepts. It is the discovery of an older unity in which all are already one. He remarked that persons must recover their original unity, because what they have to be is what they are"
|Wednesday, October 15th, 2008|
|if i was anywhere close to you right now id hug you
gurr i really dont like sleeping alone....im getting used to it though....i hang out with just myself a lot lately....its different ive honestly never really been alone alone since i was a little kid i always have people around.....its really lonely but its something i think i need to do......
|Friday, October 10th, 2008|
saturday in the parrkkk feels like the fourth of july hii hiii.....uhm i wish i had millions of dollars so i could invest in the stock market.....if anyone reads this they should go invest this weekend....you tripple your money in a few weeks maybe a couple of months......i hate being poor.....
|Sunday, August 31st, 2008|
a quick summary of my year through pictures( mo picsCollapse )
its been almost a year and i have tons more pictures and stories but this should suffice for now.....maybe when i get bored ill add more......
|Friday, December 14th, 2007|
|Tuesday, October 2nd, 2007|
|st louis night 1
hey leslie who is that creepy looking guy over there??
i dont know kathryn he looks like a serial killer/rapist/child molester
hey guys!!!!...you wanna come over and watch some everybody loves raymond??
|Sunday, September 23rd, 2007|
im moving to st louis
that is all
try not to miss me
|Friday, June 29th, 2007|
i need to realize i cant rely on anyone unless they are somewhat benefiting.....
|Monday, June 25th, 2007|
|Saturday, April 21st, 2007|
im nervous!!!!.....im nervous!!!!......how are you???.....we have a show tonight!!!.....im nervous!!!!....i think im going to do bad.....i hope not though.....as long as kara sounds fine i dont think anyone should notice.....nervous....YAY,,,,,
|Saturday, April 14th, 2007|
|Tuesday, April 3rd, 2007|
|Wednesday, March 7th, 2007|
I want something real. Something I can feel and grab hold of. Right now. The world isn't a nice place and sometimes people are mean but only because the world is mean and unhappy.
|Friday, February 23rd, 2007|
|Thursday, February 22nd, 2007|
|Sunday, February 11th, 2007|
i love jebediah
i love that he makes me happier than anything on this earth
i love how he smells
i love when we cuddle
i love when he bites me softly and when i say no he makes a cute sad face
i love his snout
i love his blondie blonde hair
i love how he chews on my bras and shirts because they smell like me
i love his sad little face when i leave and how he refuses to give me kisses
i love when i come to jessicas he jumps all over me and kisses me
i love when me and jessica lay together and he lays between (and snack too) us like a happy family
i love when he makes me carry him up the stairs because he is a pup and doesnt know how to climb them
i love him
everything about him
he is my heart
in other news....steppingstone tomorrow...wish me luck....new job tuesday wish me luck....please help me out and be supportive and try not to drink around me much....
|Thursday, February 1st, 2007|
Depression: Mental illness characterized by sadness, general apathy, a loss of self-esteem, feelings of guilt, and, at times, suicidal tendencies.
I've never felt this way in my entire life. I can't get out of bed until ive had around 13 hours of sleep. I can't leave the house unless someone comes to pick me up and makes me go somewhere. I've never felt this worthless in my entire life. I have plenty of things I should be happy about. I'm in a band with two amazing people and I have fun with them. I have an amazing roomate and an amazing best friend since the 6th grade and all around amazing people surround me. I'm starting work tomorrow so that should help. I haven't taken my medication in 3 days but I've felt like this for over a month. I really despise money. If your parents were "rich" when you were younger and in school generally you were one of the popular kids. When you grow up and have kids and get married (because thats what we are suppose to do right?) you're friends are also determined by the amount of money you have. You will work your ass off just to say you have money when in all reality you never have time to enjoy anything because thats all you do. Don't worry though you can still say you have your membership to some nice country club and your wife can have new designer purses every season. Is that how life works? Your worth is determined by how much money you make? In some cases no but in most cases yes. I think being "rich" is being genuinely happy and doing whatever you want as long as you can support yourself and having loving relationships with the ones around you. Now if you work your ass off to have these nice things I'm pretty sure you arent happy doing what you are doing or having healthy relationships with the ones around you because you are to busy worrying about making money and impressing other people with your fancy cars and things. I know I shouldn't judge how people may live but thats how I view things so I'm sorry I just had to rant. I know it isn't like this everywhere but I will not live my life like that. I can't. I talked to my mom today and I might go to a place for a couple of weeks. I really think it will help me. Hmm we will see. Wish me luck on my new job tomorrow!